Ava*, 6 years old
The set-up: At our family's house, we told Eric's nieces & nephews that they would be getting a new little cousin in January.
Me: Ava, did you know I'm pregnant? I have a little baby inside of me!
The Zinger: Ava: looks down at my belly, up at me, down at belly, up at me, whilst giggling: But... you're not fat! You can't be pregnant! Where's the baby?
Ava, I love you. You had the same reaction last time. That is exactly what every
Emily*, 6 years old
The set-up: On the same day we were celebrating Isla's 1st birthday in California, my sister and I were trying to explain to our cute family friend that I was expecting again.
Kellie, the sister: Emily, did you know that Tracie is pregnant? She has a baby in her belly!
The Zinger: Emily, screwing up her face in confusion: AGAIN??? (Ed. note: Phonetic pronunciation by Emily: Uhh-GHENNNNN?????) Why?? You're already having another one?? Why would you do that??
Oh, sweet Emily, you're so wise for a recent kindergarten graduate. I've asked myself that same question many times a
Tyler*, 4 years old
The set-up: Grocery shopping while watching my husband's nephew. Taking a detour down the chip aisle to get those Pringles I immediately needed right. that. second.
The Zinger: Tyler, all of a sudden, looks at my belly while I'm piling the Pringles in the cart (I limited myself to TWO FLAVORS, PEOPLE. THEY WERE REDUCED FAT. AND ON SALE. DON'T JUDGE ME.): You're getting fatter, Tracie! I can see your baby! You're getting fat! I see your fat! (Ed note: Even cuter with his slight lisp: "Yoh-wuh getting fatter Twacie!" However, stops being as cute about 60 seconds into the one-sided running commentary about how fat I really am getting.)
So sorry to inform you Tyler, but that is just leftovers from dinner and last pregnancy, made obvious by lack of abdominal muscles. Baby is still buried pretty deep inside me.
Fortunately for him, he said all that while sweetly smiling. I'm not that sensitive (yet... or more accurately... at that moment) and E and I laughed hysterically all the way to the check-out line. AND he still got the ice cream cone we promised.
Tyler, I am getting there. Just wait til you see me in January.
*Names have been changed to protect the unfiltered mouths of the mostly innocent